I have been neglecting my blog for a while. I’m sorry.
If I’m honest, I’ve been neglecting myself for a while too.
I have lost my sparkle. I feel like I’m in a hole & I can’t get out. I am struggling to keep all of my ‘work’, ‘mother’, ‘wife’, ‘friends’, ‘family’ & ‘money’ plates spinning together & feel a bit overwhelmed by life in general. If I haven’ t been at work, I’ve been asleep & that doesn’t leave much time for anything else.
I have also been feeling odd symptoms of mental ‘fogginess’, aching body, difficulty concentrating, irritability, mood swings & a tendency to burst into tears at any point, with or without good reason. I can’t sleep, despite feeling knackered all the time & my brain seems to have trouble locating the ‘off’ switch as soon as I climb into bed, in fact that’s probably the most awake I am all day! I’ve lost almost 2 stone since the start of the year & I think I had always assumed that as soon as I was lighter, I’d feel amazing & unfortunately, this just doesn’t seem to be the case. I feel the same, but in smaller clothes.
I have days when I feel like I could crawl back into bed at any point & go back to the sleep I haven’t quite woken up from. I don’t have the energy to exercise, although I know this would probably boost my mood in the long run – I had got myself into a vicious cycle & I decided last week that enough was enough, so went to see my GP.
I’m not entirely sure what I though the outcome would be, but I ended up being offered anti-depressants. Now, I don’t think I’m depressed. I think I may be on the verge of the abyss, certainly, but I’m not sure tablets are the answer & I have a fear of becoming dependent on them, so I politely declined the offer.
I am calling time on feeling shit & taking matters into my own hands.
I read a lot about what I could do to boost my mood. I found loads of information from google & set about streamlining what I thought would work for me. There were a few articles about being ‘tired but wired’ & I thought that may be the case for me, as I find it hard to switch off, so the first thing we did was impose a ‘technology blackout’ in the evenings. No Facebook, Twitter or surfing the web for an hour before bed. I did read about doing a ‘digital detox’ but I need my phone for work, so that wasn’t practical.
Our phones (which used to charge by our beds & be alarm clocks) now charge downstairs & we have an alarm clock by the bed. It is angled so I can’t see the time, as I wake up in the night & either go ‘well, I only have another hour, there’s no point going back to sleep’ or ‘yippee, it’s only midnight, I have 6 more hours’ depending on what it says. Now, I have no idea what time it is, so I go back to sleep – even if it is only for a few minutes.
I know that exercise does boost my mood & I signed up for a gym membership that has personal training as part of it, so I can book the sessions into my diary around work & then I would have to honour them.
I also remembered a session we had through work with an amazing & inspiring lady called Kim Ingleby, who talked about keeping a ‘positivity journal’ to record things you are thankful for every day. The idea behind this is that by looking for things to be thankful for, your brain automatically starts to look for positive things & thus you become a more positive person as a result. As I am a fan of documenting things & thought this could link into my blog, this really appealed to me & #everycloudeveryday was born.
I will update you on my progress soon & will be sharing my #everycloudeveryday entries on twitter & I encourage you to join me!
Wish me luck!